SHAQ IS BACK! AND HE STILL CAN'T RAP!

Who knew that a drunken freestyle at a New York club could cost you so much? With the age of YouTube and camera phones in full-swing, apparently a lot.

As you’ve probably heard, Shaq performed one of the worst freestyles in the history of rap this past weekend--ruining at least three careers in the process (rap, endorsements and law-enforcment…that almost rhymed). His "best" lines were, "You know how I be, last week Kobe couldn't do it without me," and "Kobe, tell me how my a** tastes."

Wow. That's what I call classy, and brilliant wordsmithship. Oh wait...no I don’t. It's one thing to be drunk at a club and rap horribly. It's an entirely different thing to partake in a cheap shot at a former teammate, and then go on to throw Patrick Ewing, white guys, and even Kareem Abdul-Jabaar under the proverbial bus. Damn.

Shaq is, unfortunately, making himself the perfect example of a once dominate athlete falling from grace. He hasn't been the same as a player since his divorce last season, and now he's ruining his public persona as well--costing him a lot more than just his image.

He's not only alienated big names in the NBA (including Commissioner Stern), tainting his image for endorsements, but he's also lost two honorary sheriff's badges. Including special deputy's badges in Maricopa County. Also, he will no longer be used to promote Operation Blue Ridge Thunder, a unit of the department that O'Neal worked with in investigating Internet predators.

Man, that's pretty brutal. Not to mention, whatever he had left of a rap career was ruined as well. His lyrics were garbage. And everybody in the world or rap knows that one of the fundamental rules of freestyle rap is to never mention the name of a famous dead rapper more than once (Biggie.) Or, maybe I just made that rule up. Either way, it was not good.

Shaq, seriously, man. What happened? How did you fall off so quickly? You can't make a layup, and now you can't even rap coherently? I'm not even talking about being good--just coherent. Anyway, you better dedicate the rest of your summer to finding Bin Laden, and succeed. Otherwise, I don't think your public image will recover for a while. I mean, look at Kobe. A few years ago, he cheated on his wife and was charged with rape, and nobody has forgotten about it. He never got an endorsement again... Oh, wait...